After several years of public service, Karl Rove has finally begun his life-long dream. He has moved to Texas and opened Lubbock’s third largest person/animal sex emporium.
Karl’s Anal Critters sells both docile and aggressive sex critters at reasonable prices. Their sign reads, “Karl’s Crits are better than Clits!” We were able to speak briefly with Rove about his newest venture:
Fuckers: Karl, you’re store is doing extremely well for being so new. How do you explain your success?
Rove: I may be new to the business, but I have dozens of years of experience with critter anal play. When you’re on the road as much as I am, it’s a necessity to have some sort of mammal with you to relieve your urges.
Fuckers: And what is your mammal of choice?
Rove: I personally prefer the over-sized gopher. You can fit it in a travel bag, but it’s asshole is generously proportioned. It’s a docile creature, and I prefer to stay in charge.
Fuckers: How does your family feel about your tendencies towards bestiality?
Rove: Whoa. Hold up. First of all, I don’t like the word bestiality it has a very negative context. At the White House we called it, Tex-Sex. And as far as my family, the ones that matter, they understand.
Fuckers: Do you plan on opening more Person/Animal sex emporiums throughout Texas?
Rove: I’d like to, and there’s a lot of money to be made in Texas on human/animal husbandry. Unfortunately, Texas also has its fair share of religious fanatics. They have a very short list of what animals humans should be able to have sex with. They also consider it cheating on your spouse when you participate in human/animal husbandry.
Fuckers: Have you ever impregnated a dog?
Rove: This interview is over.
Rove abruptly ended our interview over what he considered to be an inappropriate question. He later told Fuck Fuckers if we were more sensitive to his culture, we wouldn’t have asked such an insensitive question.